ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION- BY NIRUP

Communication is vital to your marriage. No matter your age or how long you’ve been married, your success will depend on your ability to communicate. Almost every conflict in marriage begins with a failure to communicate and will be resolved by productive communication.

When God put Adam and Eve together in the first marriage, He described them as becoming  united as “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). That may be God’s purpose, but becoming one isn’t instantaneous. You have to learn to become one. You grow into unity. Communication is how it happens.

A healthy marriage requires you to communicate in an honest, vulnerable way. One of the goals of every marriage should be to make steady improvements in communication with each other, as husband and wife. You can’t read each other’s minds, but you don’t have to because you’re always telling each other what’s on your mind.

In thinking about communication in marriage, we have to realize that everyone communicates differently. We have unique personalities. To communicate well, we need to know who we are and our own strengths and weaknesses related to communication. 

Most people naturally fall into one of three kinds of communication patterns. Unfortunately, none of these is very healthy:

A passive communicator is quiet and reserved and uncomfortable expressing how they feel. These individuals can be frustrating because, well, they don’t communicate.

On the opposite side, an aggressive communicator issues commands and often fails to listen very well. These individuals can be domineering and overbearing.

Then there is the combination of the two. A passive-aggressive communicator might resort to body language or the silent treatment to convey displeasure. These communicators can be manipulative.

If one of these communication styles is your tendency, you need to be aware of it – not to use it as an excuse, but so you can improve upon it. Get feedback from your spouse and listen to the answer, because the fourth kind of communication – the healthiest communication style – is the one we are all striving to embrace. It’s an assertive communicator. This is someone who communicates with transparency and compassion. They avoid manipulation. They don’t dominate. 

Instead, they make their desires known clearly. They openly express their ideas, feelings and needs. And they do it while also considering the needs of the other.

Assertive communicators make it possible for both sides to win. They aim to balance the rights and preferences of their partner with their own rights and preferences. Every spouse wants their feelings to be validated and wants to know that their thoughts are being heard.

[TO BE CONTINUED]

BLESSINGS

NIRUP ALPHONSE