ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION II- BY NIRUP

Once you’ve learned to communicate assertively, there are six categories of communication where you’ll need to apply that style. You won’t talk about all six areas every day, but all of these things should come up in your conversation on a regular basis. You and your spouse need to discuss these areas honestly and consistently.

 

Daily information: These are the facts of the day. When are you leaving for work? When will you be home? Who’s picking up the kids? Who’s getting the groceries or starting dinner? Early in our marriage, my wife and I were very independent. I didn’t realize I needed to tell her when I was going to be out playing basketball with my friends. Now that we are more unified—and now that we have three children—we realize how important it is to communicate these basics.

Partnership discussions: Every day, our marriages are bombarded with opportunities that have to do with your vision and values. These require hard choices and prioritization. They should not be made unilaterally. Some questions are short-term: Should I go to the game tonight or should I stay home to help one of the kids with schoolwork? Others are long-term: Should I consider this new career opportunity? Should we move to another city? These are decisions you must process together. Partnership communication is how you do it.

Conflict resolution: Conflicts arise when expectations aren’t being met. More often than not, we haven’t even communicated that expectation. The aim of conflict resolution isn’t to figure out who’s right and who’s wrong. It’s to grow deeper in unity and love. Both of you win when you successfully resolve a conflict, but it requires knowing each other’s personality and communication style.

Emotional connection: Some families never discuss feelings. Others wear their feelings on their sleeves. Regardless of your upbringing, it’s important to check in with your spouse on how they are feeling. What are you struggling with today? What’s got you excited? Be curious. Ask and answer questions. A thriving, godly marriage has no secrets.

Personal processing: This means inviting your spouse into your mind. What are you thinking about lately? What did you learn today? If God is teaching you something or if you are thinking of trying something new, talk about it with each other. Revealing these kinds of thoughts to each other keeps you from living totally separate interior lives.

Intimacy: Sex is about more than physical connection. It also requires the personal intimacy forged by communication. Start conversations about your sex life and about your expectations. What kind of affection do you want from me? What is romantic to you? How often do you wish we had sex? This category doesn’t just cover physical intimacy, though. It’s also about spiritual intimacy. Talk about what you’ve read lately in the Bible. Talk about what God is doing in your heart. Pray together and grow in God’s Word together.

Communication is a lifelong learning process and a successful couple learn to communicate well on a number of different levels. When they do, they will find themselves growing together as one. Words matter, and the way you use those words will determine the health of your marriage.

BLESSINGS

NIRUP ALPHONSE