THE MATRIMONIAL CIRCLE- BY SAMSON ÒKÚLÀJÀ

Nothing will endure for life, nothing even the most prestigious of them, love. The siege of single mother that envelops our society today is worrisome, so common it is now like laughter in photographs.

Though love is the hinge of every matrimony still what can love itself do when diminishing return sets in; love has its limitation; it can only therefore be a mistake of highest order to think that love will forever be there for us.

Love stems from certain attractions: beauty, character, riches and so on and so forth but which is a phoenix in all the aforementioned? None has the elixir of eternity, beauty withers with age and many time with poverty, if we say man is not predictable, what then is character except a temporary behaviour that none can count on for too long or riches that fluctuates like water level; up in the raining season, down in harmattan.

It is therefore crystal clear that it takes more than love to keep wedlock intact; not even Romeo and Juliet could succeed with love alone, marriage has its stages which love, nomatter how strong, can not  withstand. 

The first thing that dies in marriage is our efizzy, things at distance  often charm our eyes but upon their attainment drop dead. Nothing spurs the saturation of love like marriage, a natural situation of see to fadeness and threadbare.

This reminds me of the story of one  queen consort in old Oyo empire who looked at her husband, the Alafin of Oyo, while in the bathroom and  commented:„ is this you  lilliput that everybody is revering“? 

This was what caused the death of her father as Ikú bàbá yèyé presented to the Queen consort her father’s head as a gift in a calabash. See to the threadbare, a point of zero efizzy.

If love alone can not keep wedlock intact for too long, what then are other supporting walls to matrimony.  The best hackamore is to understand the matrimonial circle.

Matrimonial circle is like metamorphosis in the life of the winged and product life circle among the manufacturers. The time to test the market, the time to launch the product properly, the acceptability or rejection of the product and the saturation of the product after which comes the  eventual declination in the anticlimax.

It will help our young couples of today if they could understand these different  stages in marriage and armed themselves against them. I have talked about the death of efizzy, next to it is the stage of negotiation.

Nomatter our promises in the tryst, real negotiation is in the wedlock. The man wants it this way but his wife wants it the other way. So dangerous is this stage that many promising matrimonies have been made to suffer early disjointedness.

Young couples are therefore advised to prepare ahead for this stage with spirit of win-win approach if they intend to build a long-lasting matrimony.  Nothing quickly destroys marriage as an attempt from either of the parties to be the winner at all times. 

Next to the age of negotiation is the division of dependency, you read me very well, dependency. The moment a marriage attains total independence is the beginning of the end. Nomatter what, a woman must have atleast a comparative advantage over her husband that will make him seek her face every time.

Every woman knows this very well what however makes the difference is what they choose individually as their comprative advantage. 

How comparative is your comparative advantage? Some naively choose sex as their comparative advantage forgetting that comparative advantage is what your partner can hardly have without you. 

Young women going into matrimony are therefore advised to look beyond sex as their comparative advantage; sex nowadays litters everywhere, it takes more than it now to keep your man under lock and key.  

Same also goes to every young man going into wedlock today, man old comparative advantage is gradually fading out, financial muscle as well as its provision is no longer enough; many are a wife today who are much more buoyant than their husbands. 

In whatever situation, make your partner completely relies on you for certain pivotal role. An independent marriage is good to crash at any given point in time. 

Next to age of dependency is saturation, at this stage in matrimony love is ignored, sex becomes seldom; the old gaiety is almost faded out ; strength and weakness have been revealed, intermittent failures have  declined the degree of honour and respect. 

The young couple must be forewarned, prepare to rejuvenate your marriage when saturation arrives. Learn to say sweet things about your spouse, acknowledge her strength publicly, attribute every of your success to her, nothing swells woman‘s head as telling her that you are whom you are today because of her great efforts. 

Never ever toy with demystification of your partner’s effort, even her idleness and inertia in saturation; it is the quickest way to destroy your wedlock. Learn to toast him or her everyday, give the impression that her opinion matters even if you will still do things in your own way. 

The last stage before death is the swerving of duties, responsibilities and authority. Man is demeaned and woman is elevated. Because of woman comparative advantages at home, her husband relies on her for most things; because of the natural cord between mother and the child, her children promoted her upon him.

A man that attempts to struggle over this is highly  susceptible to high blood pressure and high possibility of stroke, depression and schizophrenia. For God so loves the woman that He gives her a labourer; He made him sleep like Coyote and made woman of his strength. 

What did William Shakespeare say?” A woman will fall when there is no strength in man”. In the antithesis, woman will continue to stand and stand upright as long as there is strength in man - her ancient phloem and xylem.

SAMSON OMÓLÓLÚWALÉYÌN ÒKÚLÀJÀ

- Nigeria

19th October, 2022.