RELATIONSHIP TIPS- BY SAKEENAH WRITES

A few days ago, I was having a serious conversation with one of my students which led to discussions about relationships and the kind of partners we all dream of having. 

The discussion got to a point where I had to ask her "What kind of man she wants or dreams of having as a spouse." Funnily enough, I wasn't really expecting a direct answer from her, but then she began. 

"Hmmm... There are many qualities I desire in a man, which I would love my future partner to have, but above all, the most important ones are: He should be very handsome, God-fearing, confident, earning at least 1 million naira monthly, owns a car or jeep, has his own house, or at least can afford a three bedroom flat, emotionally available, knowledgeable, PhD degree holder, a tech bro, and ambitious." 

Just immediately after she listed all these qualities, I couldn't help but ask her, "If your spec walked in today, would he see you as his spec?" If your spec met YOU today, would he choose you? Are YOU the kind of person your spec would desire, admire, and respect? ARE YOU YOUR SPEC'S SPEC?

This question hit her, and then ahe went silent for a moment. The truth is, many of us spend so much time dreaming about the perfect partner that we forget to work on ourselves.

We often hear the phrase, "I want a partner who is this and that" followed by a long list of admirable qualities: kind, God-fearing, ambitious, disciplined, good-looking, emotionally mature—the list goes on. 

It’s great to know what you want, but have you paused to ask yourself this question: Am I the person that the kind of partner I desire would want?

Dear YOU, it’s time to ask yourself the hard question: Are YOU your spec's spec?

You want a confident partner—but are you confident? You want someone who’s hardworking and purpose-driven—are you chasing your goals with that same intensity? You admire someone who’s emotionally mature—are you doing the inner work to heal and grow emotionally? 

You want someone who earns 1 million or more monthly, YET YOU CAN'T AFFORD TO BRAG OF #100,000 UNTIL YOU SCAM OR SEDUCE SOMEONE? 

You want someone who is spiritually sound, yet they have to force you to pray everyday? LIKE, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PRAY FOR YOURSELF!

You want a tech guy or lady, or someone who's skilled or talented at many things, yet if they have to give anybody an award for ALWAYS WASTING TIME ON SOCIAL MEDIA or aimlessly scrolling through reels and post, YOU WILL BE THE NUMBER ONE? 

Here’s the truth: the best way to attract the kind of person you want is to become that kind of person first. It's not about "settling for less"; it’s about being honest with yourself. Instead of waiting for someone to "complete you," focus on becoming whole.

Don’t let anyone deceive you: You can’t expect qualities from someone else that you’re not actively building in yourself. Relationships aren’t just about attracting; they’re about becoming.

Dear YOU, this isn’t about shaming or blaming; it’s about growth. Not just life, God Himself rewards those who put in the effort to evolve. 

The truth is, you attract what you are, not just what you wish for. If you desire someone exceptional, you must be willing to do the work to become exceptional yourself.

Think about it this way: A strong man wants a strong woman. A visionary seeks a partner who sees life with clarity. A purposeful person desires someone who understands the value of ambition. It’s not about perfection; it’s about progress.

Remember, you can't demand what you don't supply. You can't expect royalty while offering mediocrity. In fact, you can pray for a partner who ticks all your boxes, but God won’t send you a gift you’re not ready to handle. 

So, instead of just dreaming, start building. Build your mind, your confidence, your spirituality, your decency, your manners, and your character. 

Be so intentional about your growth that when your spec sees you, they’ll know without a doubt that you are everything they’ve been praying for.

Dear YOU, don’t just focus on finding the right partner. Focus on becoming the right partner. This journey isn’t about them; it’s about YOU. It’s about your personal growth, your values, and your readiness to complement someone else’s life.

In summary, the question isn’t, “Where is my ideal partner?” The real question is, “Am I becoming the ideal spec for my future partner?”

SAKEENAH WRITES 

#TheQueenofValue

#YourFavouriteGrowthPal

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- Nigeria